Familiar Thoughts

How does that song go?

I just got one of those new keyboards with both the latin and greek letters on the keys, it is extremely confusing to say the least, and i can’t for the life of me write a single effing word without going back and correcting. Vowels and consonants sneak up like unfriendly misfits all over the place. The fluidity of typing on the keyboard that used to be such an integral part of writing, that acts like a bridge  -if you’re lucky-  between what you are writing and what you want to say, is all gone. Also, the real estate of the keyboard itself is so much smaller, everything is much more cramped, again killing the fluidity. Keyboards are supposed to be friends not enemies, not even according allies.

Friends.

Its like it all shrunk and got squashed together after being washed in special keyboard washing machines. Is there such a thing? Probably not, i will have to get a new keyboard soon, -but not today, today it is Sunday all over and no kind shops are open for this kind of transaction. But what i want to say is right here and its not gonna wait until i work out the technicalities. I might also have to order a keyboard from abroad, from Amazon or something like that, so that it will only display the latin letters on the keys. Pressing Shift + something that used to be such a gratifying experience is now gone -now the keys are much too close.

If i included in real time the time it took me to go back and correct spelling and other mistakes, it would be till late into the night, with nothing to show.

” I’m so sad on my own “

Its relentless, OK. I know.

“Sofie.”

French but not too much, just enough to make it interesting. Life is hard, always. Even when it is not hard it is hard because it adds to the good times and makes you fall harder, from higher up. With the wrong keyboard in front of you this becomes even harder. You want to say, i met her, i touched, i touched her hair for a silent moment there in mid sentence, in mid time -the time that is common, the time when you realise you have something in common with this person you know nothing about- mid flight, mid time, mid-emotion, in that brief time for a tiny-tiny moment there in mid air i felt what it was like to stay silent and say i know you, i know a small part of you.

” now i’m looking for you
or anyone like you”

Not true. Just not true. Not just anyone, someone that is exactly like you, someone that is you, one specific: you.-

I’m afraid now that the words i write will not reach you that this horrible keyboard will not translate what i write from ascii code to words, words used by millions and millions of people before me, and by many good writers all the time to call the desperate life, pin it down for a moment, say i only want to say this to anyone who is listening, i only want to say this to noone who is listening, i only want to say this -if you are listening.

“Hello, my love
It’s getting cold on this island”

“But this hand i hold this spirit that encircles me…” time was when i was writing like this. Now i sound like an old record.

Sometime roads just do not meet and there is nothing we can do about it. It only takes a flick of fate or just a butterfly maybe somewhere in China and the whole world takes on a different path. For physicists it is even worse, things that happen do not only take one specific path, -that would be too easy.  Sub-atomic partciles take “all possible paths” to go from A to B. And that is scary. Make sure your love is big, big, BIG, bigger than a house or a tree or a school bus so it won’t have the same fate as the sub-atomic particles,-meandering through wormholes and black holes and holes in your mind and your memory of her, before reaching point B.

“If i should have a daughter instead of Mum she’s gonna call me point B, because that way, she knows that no matter what happens, at least she can always find her way to me. “

The unbeatable Sarah Kay reminds us.

Tell me then god of time, are you the strongest or the weakest god of all? Are you the kindest or the cruelest? Are you the forgiving or do you finally just kill everything in the past?  Is anyone afraid of you? Do you use armies of dead soldiers that never found peace? Is your book written already? Does it matter?

No one worships you, no one sacrifices to you, no one loves you. Even those who found the non-comforting comfort in your passage from terrible things that happened in the past and seek some solace in your passage, like a balsam, even those, they do not pray to you. Lovers do not pray to forget, they pray to remember; time passes whether we are there or not, the tree in the forest falls always. It hits us on the head.

Don’t say goodbye when you mean please stay forever, time will not discriminate time will pull people apart without effort. There is probably no more telling myth about the innocence of human nature than when we say i will love you forever, because somehow it can never happen and yet -at the same time- it happens, it can happen to you in the blink of eye in a split frozen terrible moment. You can lose someone suddenly and love them -alas- forever.

Feel happy and happiness will come.